The Little Garden class (3-4 year olds) began to explore their friendships with each other, often not knowing how to negotiate multiple friendships and differences among friends. As they maneuvered through this sometime inelegant process, the teachers took a moment in this journal to reflect back to the parents what was happening in the classroom and some of the techniques used in the classroom to support the children.
Currently we are thinking a lot about where the group is at in their social-emotional development in the area of peer dynamics and friendship development. There have been some interesting shifts in the last few weeks in which Tim and I (and some teaching parents) have observed new strategies or new energy being placed on talking about and exploring friendship and relationships. Because this is a world young children are continually navigating, with a landscape that can change day-by-day, Tim and I are always looking for ways to support the children through the beautiful and bumpy ride of developing, maintaining and deepening friendships.
This journal will lay out a few different types of data that have been gathered at this point, from various written observations from parents to anecdotal observations in play and conversations with the children. We look forward to continuing this research through our last weeks together.
The group is actively constructing their definitions of friendship - Here are assumptions and questions that we are looking at with the children (pulled from the below observations of parents and teachers.)
"We're friends because we're playing together, we're
sharing, and we're doing it all on our own without the help or interference of
adults or other kids."
– William A. Corsaro, Ph.D. , We're
Friends, Right? Inside Kids' Culture
We so appreciate your observations - you are experts in your children and hearing what you notice and wonder about as social and emotional developments occur not only puts us all on the same page in our collective research, but also paints a more complete picture for Tim and I when we hear what outside of school developments have occurred. So thank you! And please keep your observations and questions coming!
I notice that the children are exploring their relationships with each other right now - friendships, space, and negotiation what each friend wants against what others want. At some points elegant, at other times, a bit clumsy and tearful. They are all trying to figure it all out. I wonder how things will progress through this phase - when they all essentially 'come together' again. I remember this from Landon's class and it's at once good to see (because it's developmental in so many ways) and also so uncomfortable as an adult because you want to help them! - Dina
I notice that many of the kids are looking for boundaries where they can push them and where/when they need to stop. I noticed that several of the children are right at that point - I am curious about how they will resolve their wants with what they are supposed to do. - Genevieve
Recently we were reading Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy before snack time. As I read I highlighted the elements of the story where Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy are trying to figure out how to play a game together. It gets so frustrating that Ladybug Girl eventually considers playing by herself instead of trying to make it work with Bumblebee Boy. I asked the group if they ever had a time where they preferred to play by themselves versus playing by someone else. This brought up a discussion about friendship –
Grace: I made a new friend!
Petra: Tell us more! When did you
make this friend?
Grace: At the playground...we went
on the swings. But I don't remember her name.
Petra: Mmm yeah, sometimes you make
a friend and it's only for a day! But they are still special to you.
Laney: I met a friend at the
playground too!
William: Me too! We went on the slide.
There seemed to be an intense pride and excitement about this idea that you can make a friend, even if it's just for a day. The theme of making a "new" friend in a public, outside of school space has come up a few times since then when the whole group is together.
For some of the children we have observed a greater intensity in feelings when negotiating in their play. This is often surrounding roles or negotiation of materials in dramatic play games. These are dramatic play games the children are collectively becoming continuously more skilled in playing on their own, developing their own rules and decisions about who is going to be who and how the game works. They assert control over who is which character, who they want to be, and why. This also leaves room for frustration and discomfort as ideas are challenged throughout the course of play.
There is often a heightened level of emotions around negotiating and navigating play scenarios for 3-4 year olds. As Corsaro points out,
Establishing and maintaining peer interactions are challenging tasks for kids who are in the process of developing linguistic and cognitive skills necessary for communication and social interaction. Furthermore, the social ecology of most preschools increases the fragility of peer interaction...Kids know from experience that at any moment a dispute might arise over the nature of play ("Who should be the mother and who the baby?" "Should the block go this way or that?"), other kids might want to play or need materials, or a teacher might announce "clean-up time." Kids work hard to get things going and then, just like that, someone always messes it up.
Understanding this fragility means that we strive to offer children time and space to work through these elements that inevitably come up as they negotiate play. Even so, there is an emotional intensity that simply exists because of the many factors associated with play and peer culture at this age. And we must keep this understanding in mind as we support children as they navigate through the school day (or through interactions outside of school.)
Here is an example of a story told using furniture pieces and little dolls. Harper arranged the people and setting carefully and narrated what they were doing and feeling -
These are all the kids cause they have night gowns on. They're all girls. They have a slide in the backyard. This is the grass in their backyard so they can play tag. (Harper gathers materials for the story - furniture pieces from the shelf.) They're taking a nap because they were playing so much. The girls are sleeping. They have a baby sister. The 2 girls are sisters. All of them wake up now! "Good morning! Good morning!" These are the 2 kid firemens. They're playing fireman with their fireman costumes. "Weeeoooo, weeeooo, weeeooo."
The elements of her story - connection because they all have the same thing (being girls, having night gowns on, being 'sisters'), playing together, games played because of props (fireman costumes) - all speak to elements that are constantly present in "real-life" peer interactions! We will continue to look to the ways the children's stories and play are a window into their feelings about their peer culture.
We have noticed children wanting to stick close to one friend, holding hands, sitting near them, playing with only them. This often includes naming them as "my friend", sometimes at the exclusion of someone else (If ___ is my friend, this other person isn't.) These all speak to the questions outlined above – looking at how proximity, quantity, and emotion influence how friendships happen.
Sara Beth and Sophia were looking through the journal entries in Simon's journal. Sara Beth found a picture of her time with Simon, when she was at a baseball game for Ben – a photo is of Sara Beth sitting on a bench with two girls, showing them Simon and Sassy. She said, "I met new friends! I just met them at Ben's baseball game. I don't know their names.”
She was so proud to announce that to those of us at the table, referencing the conversations we've had about meeting new people and forming relationships that way.
We look forward to this continued research as we go through our last weeks in the Little Garden! Please share any reflections, observations, or questions you have from home or school regarding this multifaceted topic - thank you!
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I notice – I wonder